New Yorkers are basically adult versions of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: We want it all, and we want it now.

It’s not our fault we’re spoiled. We’ve actually got all the food all the time. We’re dumbfounded that even food joints close at 10 pm in other cities. Our jaws open and we’re speechless when the pizza place in the ‘burbs tells us, “We don’t deliver.” What? You mean people drive to get their own pizza? He might as well have said that they don’t have the internet. Does not compute.

New Yorkers suffer from Constant Comparison Disorder (CCD) and have a severe Fear of Settling (FOS).

We have everything at our fingertips whenever we want. From food to dating to hobbies, New Yorkers are constantly inundated with more choices than Republicans have in the 2016 primary. Jeb Bush may clearly be the best choice, but everyone’s talking about that other guy. We probably should check him out, too? Right?

We fear settling more than we fear Trump’s immigration plan (No legal immigrant would ever ride through a blizzard at 10 pm to deliver us our favorite Vietnamese soup. It would be the end of civilization as we know it.) There’s always a new food trend, always another guy to swipe right, always better rooftop bar, always a hipper fitness craze.

Teddy Roosevelt warned, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Right on, dude.

Unless you’re comparing the 30+ food vendors at Smorgasburg.

Then comparison makes you dizzy with joy because we get all the best food all at once. Finally. It’s the perfect enabler for our CCD and FOS.

So what is Smorgasburg?

Smorgasburg is basically the equivalent of trendy, hot New Yorkers speed-dating an exclusive group of trendy, hot food vendors.

Here’s the history and description from the official Smorgasburg site:

Smorgasburg launched in May 2011…Every Saturday and Sunday from April through November, Smorgasburg showcases 100+ local and regional food vendors to upwards of 10,000 visitors, making it one of the most popular tourist destinations in Brooklyn. On The Chew, Mario Batali called Smorgasburg “The single greatest thing I’ve ever seen gastronomically in New York City,” and The New York Times called it “The Woodstock of Eating.” 

Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds.

I recently visited the Saturday Smorgasburg in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. (Note that the Sunday Smorg is in Brooklyn Bridge Park but will move to Prospect Park in September.)

There’s so much to eat and see, no one post could ever summarize all there is to eat, but I’ll share a few of the places I visited. I always try to pick foods that seem different from vendors without a brick-and-mortar storefront near me. I hope this post whet’s your appetite and inspires a visit!

Goa Tacos

Goa Tacos is a fusion taco place. They use paratha — a buttery, flaky type of flatbread from Goa to build tacos with global fillings. The paratha taco shell really works — it’s served piping hot and crispy but flaky, so the ingredients inside stay warm. And the fillings are amazing. They offered two types of Paratha Tacos the day I went: coal roasted pork belly or a rift on a tofu banh mi. I could see the pork belly being roasted, so I was as helpless to resist. And I’m so glad I didn’t.

The pork was so soft and flavorful, and the spiciness of  the pickled red cabbage balanced out the rich pork and the chipotle mayo melted into the piping hot paratha.

Goa Tacos has a pop-up on 79 Delancey St. They’re at Smorgasburg Saturday and Sundays. And they deliver via Grubhub. Go show chef-owner Duvaldi Marneweck some love.

CARNAL

If you get one of CARNAL’s beef short ribs and walk around, I promise that within five minutes you’ll receive at least five pleading inquiries from strangers begging you to tell them where you got it. It is your civic foodie duty to point them in the direction of Carnal — you can actually just follow the smoke signals given off by their grill.

The short rib is huge and topped with a tomato and bone marrow mixture. It’s unctuous, a perfect balance of meat and fat. Eat it with your hands like the carnivore you are. But warning: It will fill you up, so make sure you brought a blanket and take a nap.

CARNAL is the creation of Kentucky born Aaron Saurer and New York native James Zamory. They both have amazing restaurant pedigrees (The NoMad, Betony, Roberta’s). They took their love of slow-cooked meat and their impeccable training to give you one of the best smoked short ribs you’ll ever eat. How could you not visit when they’ve done so much to make your taste buds so happy? They’re at Smorgasburg on Saturday and Sunday.

Lumpia Shack

Lumpias are traditional Filipino spring rolls that Lumpia Shack fills with nontraditional ingredients to create little crisp rolls bursting with flavors. We were so anxious to get our lumpia that we almost screamed at the gal topping them that we didn’t care how the micro-greens or sauce was placed. But I really appreciated just how much care went into each order — the team wanted everyone to have the best dish they could serve, and they really deliver.

My friend had truffled adobe mushroom (amazing veg option on the left in the photo) and I went for special: garlic rice lumpia topped with pork belly (I clearly like pig). The pork belly was spot on: Not too fatty, grilled so the outside was crispy and the fat could melt into the meat.

Neil and Angie are the Filipino-Americans behind this gastronomical success. Go give them a high-five at their Lumpia Snack Shack at 50 Greenwich Avenue or at Smorgasburg on Saturday and Sunday, or at South Street Seaport 7 days a week until October.

Curd’s the Word

I made a beeline for Curd’s the Word when I read their tagline: artisan beer battered cheese curds. Curds are made from the whey leftover during the cheese-making process. They tend to be a bit rubbery and squeak when you bite into them.

The beer batter is not at all heavy, and the curds become super creamy and light. You can choose different sauces (I tried the garlic pesto), but I enjoyed them best plain to enjoy the delicate batter and salty, yummy flavor of the cheese.

Curd’s the Word is just a pop-up for at Smorgasburg on Saturday, so get over and ask to just sit at the counter and have them pop cheese curds into your mouth all day.

Rockville Mountain Farm

I have very strong feelings about season flavors muscling their way into another season’s flavor territory. Pumpkin and butternut squash, I’m going to get to you, okay? But you got to slow your roll and wait your turn. Yet I still got a butternut squash doughnut from Rockville Mountain Farm because they dude was so damn nice and smiley. And I’m glad I did — not to big, not to sweet, with the taste of the butternut squash not over-powered by nutmeg or cinnamon. It was on point. Go make the man happy at Smorgasburg on Saturday and Sunday unless you’re in their ‘hood in Starksboro, VT.